Once again, bad luck has come my way.
Monday night, Rob and I broke off our relationship. He said that he was happy now but didn’t know if he could be happy with me in 6 months. He wasn’t sure if our relationship “popped” in every area. He said he had just been thinking about it for a while and that is why I was feeling his distance.
I took a deep breath, exhaled, and said “No offense, but I want to be with someone who KNOWS they want to be with me. There should be no question. If you have to think about it, we might as well end it now.” And we did.
You know, I am really standing up for myself. I am finding out what I want, what I deserve, and what I am capable of. And in this case, I want someone who gives me the feeling that they can’t live without me. I deserve Love, Joy, Nourishment, and Respect. I am capable of being a great partner and a recovered addict.
What I need to remember is that this break up has nothing to do with me as a person. It doesn’t mean that I am fat/ugly/waste-of-time/stupid/boring etc…It just means that we were not right for each other. And that’s okay. I’m doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing–dating around, discovering what I want, what I deserve, and what I am capable of. Flirting and working on my confidence.
Which brings me to my next event of this week. Wednesday night, I went out to happy hour with my twin sister and her co-workers. I was feeling down, but Hannah’s co-workers were HILARIOUS, so I couldn’t help but laugh to tears and participate in the ridiculous conversations everyone was having. One of our friends–a very large, 46-year-old african american woman–started checking out all the guys in the bar. She spotted a very attractive spanish-looking guy and asked me if I thought he was cute. I said that I did indeed find him attractive, at which time she got up from the booth, walked over to him and dragged him over to our table. He introduced himself as AJ. As embarrassing as this circumstance was, when Hannah and most of her co-workers left to go home, one of Hannah’s friends and I decided to hang back and play a game of pool. When we got up from the table, I walked over to AJ and his friend — I don’t know what in heaven’s name came over me — put my hand on his shoulder and apologized for my friend’s drunken stupor. He smiled pleasantly and told me there was no reason to apologize and asked if my friend and I would want to play a game of pool after him and his friend ate some dinner. So they ate and my friend and I played pool. She was feeling tired afterwards so we started walking out. Once again I have no idea what came over me, but I went up to AJ and told him we were leaving. He asked for my number and that was that. When did I get the confidence to approach an attractive man and flirt with him? I didn’t do much but it was enough to let him know I was interested, and I am damn proud of myself. If nothing else I made a new friend! We actually went out to lunch yesterday and had a great time.
As cliché as it sounds, I guess when one door closes, another one does always open.
breakmysilence 